Loans, Debts and Weddings
So I was in Europe recently and met up with a few old
friends. It felt really good to be "back home" with family, home church, etc - albeit for a short
while.
Back to meeting with my friends (quite a good mixture of
married, single, engaged, complicated, etc). I discovered a friend of mine, who
had married several years before - maybe about 5-6 was still paying for a loan
she took to finance the wedding ceremony. I was a guest at this wedding - and
for the life of me couldn't remember much of the ceremony as it was such a long time ago.
However, for the couple though, there's a constant reminder of this day, which
is reflected in their monthly bank statements.
Apparently, this is not uncommon, especially with African
themed weddings where the occasion is more like a carnival, as opposed to an
intimate celebration of love. And hence the reason for this post.
Before I commence however, here's a disclaimer: this is not to put anyone that has gone down the loan route down. It’s simply a resourceful information piece that should hopefully help unmarried folks make the right choice/s when they’re faced with such in future. Sorry I just had to say it like I mean it!
A wedding photographer friend of mine flew to Nigeria for
his wedding recently. He's a top wedding photographer that has seen it all and
done it all. His clients fly him across the globe for his work. His Nigerian
wedding only had 100 guests and I thought wow! For a Nigerian wedding in
Nigeria, that is amazing!!!. His reasoning was because of his experience as a
wedding photographer. Simply put: as a UK resident, he'd rather not use his
hard earned money to feed the mouths of people he barely knows or barely like
him. To me, my dear photographer friend was right.
If you are already married and know someone who is about to,
then please ensure they read this post. If you're yet to marry, engaged, single,
recently broken up and still dreaming of your big and perfect day, then this
post is certainly for you. It's a great help to all.
I'd start by giving a few reasons why people go out and get
wedding loans and give you a few reasons why you shouldn't. Then, hopefully you
can make the right decisions from there.
The case for taking a loan
1. Keeping up appearances
You have several friends that have spent thousands of £'s on theirs - therefore, unconsciously, you want to do yours in a similar if not, bigger fashion all in the name of "keeping up appearances".
Please remember that our fingers are not equal and we were
all created differently. If you set to start a married life the same way your
friends are starting theirs, then you really need to check those friends
closely. A friend that’d rather celebrate you for being in debt as opposed to
debt free is no friend. Go figure!
2. Pressure from parents, inlaws and other family members
If you were brought up in an African household (especially West African), then
you should easily be able to attest to this point.
Listen, your mother, aunt, uncle or inlaws will not be there
when the bills start to roll in monthly. As much as they wish you all the good
in the world, they will not live the everyday married life with you or help you
manage your finances afterwards.
3. What would people think
You don't want people to look at you that you're not very
well to do or poor. If you live your life through the eyes of what people will
think of you, then I suggest you have some self esteem issues and need some
professional help! This is because there's a bigger underlying issue here that
needs to be addressed. Chances are you’ve likely lived this way for a very long
time and starting a new life without addressing this malady will be most
unfortunate. Seek help before it’s too late
4. Someone else is paying
My mum/dad/in-laws/ other family members are paying for
it so it doesn't really matter. Really? I don't think so. Ever heard the term
"there's no such thing as a free lunch"? If you don't repay it back
now, you will certainly do so in the future someway. Instead of having your
mother sell her land or remortgage her property in the name of giving you a
great wedding, encourage her to invest in other areas that will bring her a
better return. When she retires comfortably in her own home (not some council
flat somewhere, living from hand to mouth) and is able to live independently
without the fear of where her next meal will come from, her spirit will thank
and bless you. Even you will live happily and comfortably in your marriage.
5. Guest list drama
Fear of offending people you may end up not inviting: regardless
of how small or big your wedding will be, there’s no way you won’t offend
people that didn’t make your guests list. And let’s face it, some people will
actually think they have every right to be at your wedding and you/your partner couldn't disagree more with this thought. I mean some random long lost aunty
that has contributed zilch to your life suddenly puts on the family hat. You
don’t even know who she is and all of a sudden, she’s needing 10 invitation
cards because she wants to bring her extended circle of friends as well. OMG!
Really?! Is she on some crazy pill?!!
The case for not taking a loan
1. Classy and affordable
Having a big wedding does not translate as classy. You
can have a small cost effective classy wedding that does not break the bank.
Yet, you might spend so much on your wedding and it could turn out to be a
sloppy affair.
2. Loss of control
Even if someone else has decided to finance your wedding
cost, remember that accepting this will give them the opportunity to literally
"reign" over the wedding. There's little you can do to gain control.
Before you know what's happening, your big day has suddenly become their own
day and there’ll be little you can do to put the situation under control.
3. Better things to spend on
Your wedding is only for a day and your marriage is
actually more important. Instead of spending this much money on a day, why not invest
in your marriage instead? Use the money for a mortgage, a better car (or in
fact, driving lesson), student loans, trust fund for your future kids, etc
4. Debt free is the new sexy
There's nothing "sexier" than starting a family
debt free because it gives you peace of mind and more control to invest in what really matters. A friend of mine also said
something along the lines of the fact that your intended husband might not say
anything to start off with but one of the ways you can forever please your
partner is to live a debt free life. Don’t be forever reliant on government
handouts. There are so many jobs/businesses out there that could wipe out your
debt in a flash. Yes, you will be amazed what a little determination can do.
5. The future is not certain!
Back in the day in London, I
knew of a lady that got married and lost her husband 3.5weeks into the
marriage. These folks were Pentecostal, tongue talking, demon chasing Christians.
Both very young (mid 20's) and in love, they had it all - or so it seemed until
everything came crashing barely a month after they said their "I
do's" in a very big way. Unbeknownst to them, the husband had a heart
disease that no one knew about until his autopsy. Yes, he literally dropped
dead and guess who is still paying for the loan?
While this is extreme and I do not wish it on anyone, please
note that we all go through different peaks and troughs after the wedding. It's
never going to be smooth sailing. You might be made redundant on the job, your
husband might decide to return back to school, economic downturns might affect
the value of your home, etc
6. You can't keep everyone happy
No matter how much you spend on the wedding, there'll
always be complaints – especially from people that contributed nothing to it
and those that gave you zilch as a wedding present. Yes, they literally just
showed and expected to be treated like kings and queens. Oh, my food was cold;
I don’t like the seat they gave me; the MC wasn’t funny enough; the bride
arrived an hour late…the list goes on and on.
So think about it, £20k in debt to try and please everyone
on the biggest day of your life and all you’ll hear is complaint after
complaint.
7. No profit - guaranteed
Wedding is the only "business" you can do that
you can never break even, let alone make a profit - guaranteed. More on this in future posts but don't think you'll ever get that loan money back from gifts or money chain you're so heavily relying on. It ain't gonna happen!
