Is a debt free wedding possible?

Loans, Debts and Weddings

So I was in Europe recently and met up with a few old friends. It felt really good to be "back home" with family, home church, etc - albeit for a short while.

Back to meeting with my friends (quite a good mixture of married, single, engaged, complicated, etc). I discovered a friend of mine, who had married several years before - maybe about 5-6 was still paying for a loan she took to finance the wedding ceremony. I was a guest at this wedding - and for the life of me couldn't remember much of the ceremony as it was such a long time ago. However, for the couple though, there's a constant reminder of this day, which is reflected in their monthly bank statements.

Apparently, this is not uncommon, especially with African themed weddings where the occasion is more like a carnival, as opposed to an intimate celebration of love. And hence the reason for this post.

Before I commence however, here's a disclaimer: this is not to put anyone that has gone down the loan route down. It’s simply a resourceful information piece that should hopefully help unmarried folks make the right choice/s when they’re faced with such in future. Sorry I just had to say it like I mean it!

A wedding photographer friend of mine flew to Nigeria for his wedding recently. He's a top wedding photographer that has seen it all and done it all. His clients fly him across the globe for his work. His Nigerian wedding only had 100 guests and I thought wow! For a Nigerian wedding in Nigeria, that is amazing!!!. His reasoning was because of his experience as a wedding photographer. Simply put: as a UK resident, he'd rather not use his hard earned money to feed the mouths of people he barely knows or barely like him. To me, my dear photographer friend was right.

If you are already married and know someone who is about to, then please ensure they read this post. If you're yet to marry, engaged, single, recently broken up and still dreaming of your big and perfect day, then this post is certainly for you. It's a great help to all. 

I'd start by giving a few reasons why people go out and get wedding loans and give you a few reasons why you shouldn't. Then, hopefully you can make the right decisions from there.

The case for taking a loan

1. Keeping up appearances

You have several friends that have spent thousands of £'s on theirs - therefore, unconsciously, you want to do yours in a similar if not, bigger fashion all in the name of "keeping up appearances".

Please remember that our fingers are not equal and we were all created differently. If you set to start a married life the same way your friends are starting theirs, then you really need to check those friends closely. A friend that’d rather celebrate you for being in debt as opposed to debt free is no friend. Go figure!

2. Pressure from parents, inlaws and other family members

 If you were brought up in an African household (especially West African), then you should easily be able to attest to this point. 

Listen, your mother, aunt, uncle or inlaws will not be there when the bills start to roll in monthly. As much as they wish you all the good in the world, they will not live the everyday married life with you or help you manage your finances afterwards.

3. What would people think 

You don't want people to look at you that you're not very well to do or poor. If you live your life through the eyes of what people will think of you, then I suggest you have some self esteem issues and need some professional help! This is because there's a bigger underlying issue here that needs to be addressed. Chances are you’ve likely lived this way for a very long time and starting a new life without addressing this malady will be most unfortunate. Seek help before it’s too late

4. Someone else is paying

My mum/dad/in-laws/ other family members are paying for it so it doesn't really matter. Really? I don't think so. Ever heard the term "there's no such thing as a free lunch"? If you don't repay it back now, you will certainly do so in the future someway. Instead of having your mother sell her land or remortgage her property in the name of giving you a great wedding, encourage her to invest in other areas that will bring her a better return. When she retires comfortably in her own home (not some council flat somewhere, living from hand to mouth) and is able to live independently without the fear of where her next meal will come from, her spirit will thank and bless you. Even you will live happily and comfortably in your marriage.   

5. Guest list drama

Fear of offending people you may end up not inviting: regardless of how small or big your wedding will be, there’s no way you won’t offend people that didn’t make your guests list. And let’s face it, some people will actually think they have every right to be at your wedding and you/your partner couldn't disagree more with this thought. I mean some random long lost aunty that has contributed zilch to your life suddenly puts on the family hat. You don’t even know who she is and all of a sudden, she’s needing 10 invitation cards because she wants to bring her extended circle of friends as well. OMG! Really?!  Is she on some crazy pill?!!

The case for not taking a loan

1. Classy and affordable 

Having a big wedding does not translate as classy. You can have a small cost effective classy wedding that does not break the bank. Yet, you might spend so much on your wedding and it could turn out to be a sloppy affair. 

2. Loss of control

Even if someone else has decided to finance your wedding cost, remember that accepting this will give them the opportunity to literally "reign" over the wedding. There's little you can do to gain control. Before you know what's happening, your big day has suddenly become their own day and there’ll be little you can do to put the situation under control.

3. Better things to spend on

Your wedding is only for a day and your marriage is actually more important. Instead of spending this much money on a day, why not invest in your marriage instead? Use the money for a mortgage, a better car (or in fact, driving lesson), student loans, trust fund for your future kids, etc

4. Debt free is the new sexy

There's nothing "sexier" than starting a family debt free because it gives you peace of mind and more control to invest in what really matters.  A friend of mine also said something along the lines of the fact that your intended husband might not say anything to start off with but one of the ways you can forever please your partner is to live a debt free life. Don’t be forever reliant on government handouts. There are so many jobs/businesses out there that could wipe out your debt in a flash. Yes, you will be amazed what a little determination can do.

5. The future is not certain! 

Back in the day in London, I knew of a lady that got married and lost her husband 3.5weeks into the marriage. These folks were Pentecostal, tongue talking, demon chasing Christians. Both very young (mid 20's) and in love, they had it all - or so it seemed until everything came crashing barely a month after they said their "I do's" in a very big way. Unbeknownst to them, the husband had a heart disease that no one knew about until his autopsy. Yes, he literally dropped dead and guess who is still paying for the loan?

While this is extreme and I do not wish it on anyone, please note that we all go through different peaks and troughs after the wedding. It's never going to be smooth sailing. You might be made redundant on the job, your husband might decide to return back to school, economic downturns might affect the value of your home, etc

6. You can't keep everyone happy

No matter how much you spend on the wedding, there'll always be complaints – especially from people that contributed nothing to it and those that gave you zilch as a wedding present. Yes, they literally just showed and expected to be treated like kings and queens. Oh, my food was cold; I don’t like the seat they gave me; the MC wasn’t funny enough; the bride arrived an hour late…the list goes on and on.

So think about it, £20k in debt to try and please everyone on the biggest day of your life and all you’ll hear is complaint after complaint.

7. No profit - guaranteed

Wedding is the only "business" you can do that you can never break even, let alone make a profit - guaranteed. More on this in future posts but don't think you'll ever  get that loan money back from gifts or money chain you're so heavily relying on. It ain't gonna happen!